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50 Dad Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Hilarious

50 Dad Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Hilarious

Here’s a quick experiment: Go ask both of your parents the question, “Did you get a haircut?” Now, we’d be willing to wager that your mom will respond with something along the lines of “yes” or “no,” while your dad goes with something more like, “No, I got them all cut!”

Congrats! You’ve just been blindsided by a “dad joke”—loosely defined as a groaner so corny and awful that you basically need to own a pair of white New Balance sneakers, a cellphone belt clip, and a coffee mug emblazoned with the word “dad” to actually find it funny.

Well, unless you’re talking about fifty dad jokes we’ve compiled right here. Yes, they’re corny and awful, but somehow they all make us laugh despite their juvenile ridiculousness. So read on, and enjoy! 

1
 
What do you call a fake noodle?

Pasta Dad Jokes

An impasta!

2
 
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
 

Man on Laptop Dad Jokes

You have my Word!

 

3
 
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.

Bread Dad Jokes

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!

 

4
 
What do you call an alligator that works on Wall Street?

Alligator Dad Jokes

An Invest-i-gator!

5
 
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?

Las Vegas Dad Jokes

Floss Vegas.

 

6
 
Want to hear a joke about paper?

Paper Dad Jokes

Never mind, it’s tearable!

7
 
What do you call a fish with two knees?

clown fish movie facts

A two-knee fish!

 

8
 
Why do melons have weddings?

Cantaloupe Dad Jokes

Because they cantaloupe!

 

9
 
You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there?

modern bath

European.

10
 
I like telling Dad jokes.

Dad Jokes

Sometimes he laughs!

 

11
 
I thought about going on an all-almond diet….

Almonds Dad Jokes

But that’s just nuts!

12
 
What’s brown and sticky?

Wooden Sticks Dad Jokes

A stick.

13
 
This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.”

Airplane Shirley Dad Jokes

I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode!

 

14
 
This graveyard looks overcrowded.

Cemetery Dad Jokes

People must be dying to get in there!

15
 
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, “First offender?”

Couple with Guitar Dad Jokes

She says, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

16
 
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Bicycle Dad Jokes

Attire!

 

17
 
Can February March?

Calendar Dad Jokes

No, but April May!

18
 
I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

Soccer Game Dad Jokes

I’m just doing it for kicks!

19
 
So a vowel saves another vowel’s life.

Alphabet Dad Jokes

The other vowel says, “Aye E! I owe you!”

20
 
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip?

Man Doing Backflip Dad Jokes

I was heels over head!

 

21
 
How many apples grow on a tree?

Apples Dad Jokes

All of them!

22
 
Spring is here! I got so excited ….

Watering Plants Dad Jokes

… I wet my plants!

23
 
Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Butter Dad Jokes

Well, I’m not going to spread it!

24
 
When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him…

Grocery Store Check Out Dad Jokes

“No, I’d rather drink it out of the carton!”

 

25
 
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

Lifesavers Candies Dad Jokes

They say he made a mint!

26
 
Five out of four people admit…

Man Doing Math Dad Jokes

… they’re bad with fractions!

27
 
I invented a new word today…

Cheating on Test Dad Jokes

Plagiarism!

28
 
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Elephant Dad Jokes

Because they’re so good at it!

29
 
My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”

Orange Dad Jokes

And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”

30
 
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.

Flamingo Dad Jokes

So I had to put my foot down!

31
 
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

Girl Putting on Brow Makeup Dad Jokes

She seemed surprised!

32
 
I tell dad jokes but I have no kids…

Man Telling Jokes Dad Jokes

I’m a faux pa!

 

33
 
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

Carrots Dad Jokes

A carrot!

 

34
 
How does a penguin build its house?

Penguin Dad Jokes

Igloos it together!

35
 
I know a lot of jokes about retired people…

Man Fired Dad Jokes

… but none of them work!

36
 
Why did the old man fall in the well?

Old Man with Glasses Dad Jokes

Because he couldn’t see that well!

37
 
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other…

Gold Fish in Bowl Dad Jokes

… “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

38
 
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Skeletons Dad Jokes

Because they have no body to go with!

39
 
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?

Factory Dad Jokes

A satisfactory!

40
 
After dinner. my wife asked if I could clear the table.

Dinner Dad Jokes

I needed a running start, but I made it!

41
 
How do you make a Kleenex dance?

Man Blowing Nose Dad Jokes

Put some boogie in it!

42
 
My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex.

Dog Winking Dad Jokes

They’re his watch dogs!

43
 
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you…

Apple Store Dad Jokes

… an iWitness?!

44
 
I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

Sushi Dad Jokes

It’s a little fishy!

45
 
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

Job Offer Dad Jokes

He couldn’t see himself doing it!

46
 
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.

Confused Man Dad Jokes

Only a fraction of people will understand this!

47
 
I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop.

Shoes Dad Jokes

It was sole destroying!

48
 
My boss told me to have a good day…

Boss Dad Jokes

… so I went home!

49
 
I’m so good at sleeping…

Man Sleeping Dad Jokes

… I can do it with my eyes closed!

50
 
Want to hear a joke about construction?

Construction Dad Jokes

I’m still working on it!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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